No idea

This morning I am sitting at work not even sure what to write about. The last couple of days have been great thanks to a few friends. I am able to move on and be myself and have fun with the girls. I once founds a quote, which I used at my High School graduation that said something along the lines of friends come and go, but they always leave footprints on our hearts. We will remember good times and bad times. But it is in those times that we learn and grow and those are some of the things that shape us into who we are.
I am thankful for all those friends. My childhood wasn't easy. When I was 8 years old, a doctor made a mistake that ended the life of an amazing woman of God. At 20 years old and a sophmore/junior in college, she had everything ahead of her. She was studying to be a special education teacher. She had such a passion for these things. She loved God, loved her parents, loved her brother and sister and her friends. Everyone who knew her loved her as weel. She had an amazing personality and no matter what she did, she showed Christ in everything. In May, 15 years will have passed. 15 years of the world robbed of a woman who could have done so much good. Does it seem fair? I don't think so. But I can't help but be jealous towards my God. He gets her every day. Her smile, her laughter, she is running around heaven free of pain and of sickness.
May 14, 1993, She was in her bedroom getting ready for work. She started having an asthma attack and was rushed to the ER. On the way to the hospital she was stabalized by an amazing crew, one woman on the crew was a friend of hers. Unfortunately, according to procedure she still had to go in and get checked out. The young woman was admitted into the hospital, and was seen by the doctor. He wasn't paying attention or doing anything he was supposed to and she ended up having another attack, only this time a lot worse. Her throat swelled and they had to do a tracheotomy to help her breathe. He did the trache just fine, but when he went to intubate her (breathing tube) he punctured three places going down and she suffocated. I can't imagine this being easy to die this way. I hate thinking that she suffered. At 20 years old, the apple of her parents eyes, in just a few minutes she was gone forever.
I was 8 years old at the time. Actually had just turned 8 years old exactly 1 week prior to this.
I remember this day like it was yesterday. I had gone to school like any other day. We were going on a field trip. We were supposed to go a couple hours away to ride a train, but for some reason those plans were changed. So my mom didn't go with us that day. We had gone to the college play ground and had gone to my teachers daughter's house because she had just had her first baby. We had left there and were headed to McDonalds for lunch when the school secretary pulled up to get me. All she could tell me was that Amy was on her way to the hospital. I got back to school to get my things and my brother was already waiting at the door for our parents. We got to the hospital and we saw Amy. I held her hand, I talked to her, even though she coudln't talk to me. She smiled at me and squeezed my hand. I am trying so hard right now not to cry while writing this. We left the room to go back down to the waiting room. What seemed like forever, but was probably only about 20 minutes, Someone came down and told us she was gone. What? Gone? NO!!! I just saw her. I just held her hand. She was ok. You are lying. Lying do you hear me. It can't be true. After crying for a while, my 8 year old self looked up at my mother and asked if I could go see her. She told me that it wasn't going to be the way I thought it would be. Amy couldn't talk to me or anything. I nodded. My mommy walked me into that room. I still remember it. Sometimes the image of my sister laying on the hospital bed motionless haunts me. Some have asked why my mom took me into the room that day. Why did she think an 8 year old was ready for that? I don't think anyone is ready for something like that. No matter the age. But for me it was a conclusion to that day. My sister was really gone. We would go home that night without her. My big sister was my best friend even though there was 12 years difference between us. She wasn't even my natural sister, but you never would have known.
Ok I will get away from this now.
Time is going slowly by this morning. Today is one of my favorite days. After 1230 I am free the entire day. Which makes me very happy. Mainly my plans will be for me to catch up on some reading and sleeping. I doubt anyone will be a part of my afternoon.
I will probably write more tomorrow.