Spring

It has been over a month since I last posted. I haven't kept up with this as much as I had wanted. Life has been a bit topsy-turvey lately. I just don't know what is going on right now. On a good note, I have one semester left and I graduate! I am so excited. Only a few classes to finish and I am out of here.
Other than that, things seem at a low point for me right now. I have been dealing with a bit of depression. I don't want to be around a lot of people, I want to just be left alone, yet at the same time, in less than 2 weeks from today, our school holds their annual Spring Banquet. I have a dress, but I don't have a ticket, or a date. Do I want to go? Of course! It's my senior year. I want to go. But, because of not wanting to go alone, I am going to be spending another Friday night at home. My friends are all talking about it, trying on their dresses every day, fixing their hair this way and that way to find the perfect hair-do for that night. Me? My dress is sitting in my closet, for a possible re-sell. I didn't pay much for it. But it's still a pretty dress.
My heart has been going all over the place as well. I was talking to a friend this weekend, about where I saw myself 5 years ago. It wasn't where I am now. I imagined myself married, if not, in a serious relationship contemplating marriage. I was close. But I look at it now, I wasn't ready, am not ready at this moment to get married. I would love to be in a relationship though. I'm lonely. I am very lonely. But at this point, I am just waiting to see what God has for me. Am I ready for what He has? YES!! But, in all honestly, I am tired of being single. I'll be 23 in a little over a month. I'll be graduating college in 9 months. It seems almost unreal.
Okay that is everything. I'll stop talking now!

Time

Time has past. I seem to have gotten crazy busy. But, this time, in all my running around, I am giving my time to God and HE is amazing. My friends have been great.

It hasn't been without it's challenges though. My health has been a bit crazy. The colds I have gotten have been awful. Literally just putting me right to bed for days. This last one has me pretty bad.
I don't have much else to say. Bye

Friends

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints in our hearts and we are never, ever the same."
This quote is one I found my senior year of high school when writing my speech. And I have used it many times since than.
God places people into our lives for reasons. Those people may be your friends forever, but they only be there a semester or a week. It's kind of ironic, that the guy who helped cause the breakup of my friendship last semester with one of my few female friends, is now someone I'm not speaking to. Immaturity has just blossomed. I made a request, which to me didn't seem that big of a deal, but it was to him. With that request, things just kept going and going. And I had to walk away from it. And honestly, I don't miss it all that much. I can be around him, and be fine, but as long as I don't have to hold a true one on one conversation with him, everything is fine.

School is going good. Things have been busy. I have to admit, I have been really lonely. Just a bit homesick.
But I thank God for my suitemate. She has been absolutely amazing. I love her!

Time

I have realized that I haven't kept this up as much as I had wanted. But things sure have been interesting. Christmas break was good. As I mentioned in previous posts, the day I preached, I was very proud of myself. Now I just have to remember that I can do it, and continue to do it especially when I am standing up in front of a classroom giving a presentation.
Spending the time at home was a blessing. I hadn't realized just how lonely I was for my family. For the longest time we had been praying for renewal in my family. Things had been hard where my brother was concerned for the longest time. Christmas brought him home for almost 2 weeks. Now, mind you, those 2 weeks were way too long with a brother who would pour a glass of milk and leave it sitting for days. We actually had decent conversations and had a little fun together. Money was never brought up, but at this point, as long as he is decent to me, I won't say anything about it. I even gave him a Bible for Christmas. Let's pray it gets some use.

Over break, some issues came up that we thought I wouldn't be able to return to college. So through prayer and job hunting (unsuccessful around Christmastime), I decided to do some searching. 3 days before students were to be back at campus, I found out my financial aid came through and I was able to return. So things got crazy. Now I am here, started work Monday, and am sitting at work right now. A part of me was ready to stay home with my family, but a big part of me wants to finish.

So coming back to school, I told very few people I was coming back. So upon arriving on campus I surprised a good number of my friends, all who I think were happy to see me. Today I was able to see the last person (he arrived back at school late due to family vacation). I was so happy to see him.
I think God is going to teach me a lot this semester. All I want to do is avoid drama. That is the last thing i need in my life right now. And unfortunately it has already started. 2 of my best guy friends have been acting strange. I can't explain it but it's there. Even as close as I am with those two, one still had to think something was going on with me and the other. Why is it I can't be friends with a guy unless I am dating him? All my life I have been friends with the guys. I haven't had many girl friends. Which has made some things hard. But I still love my guys. But once, just once, I want to be friends with a guy and not have people think we are dating. I don't want to date right now. I want to finish my last 2 semesters and get out of school. Guys are not important right now. But friensd are. If i have to drop my friends completely and focus on God and school, I will. I don't want to, but if that is what God is asking me to do, I'll do it.

My semester seems like it will be ok. I have a lot of large projects due, but fortunately they are not all due on the same day or even same week as the other large projects. I have already started on some homework and want to get ahead for a while.

Blessings

Christmas

Today is Thursday. It has been a little while since I wrote. Needless to say I have been busy. Finals are done, I am home relaxing. Or at least I will be. I have been working on a sermon that I preached today. This morning I gave a sermon to the senior high of New Covenant Academy. I spoke on the "FEAR NOTS" of Christmas. All in all I think I did a fairly good job. I didn't break out in hives!! Which was a big accomplishment for me. Every time I speak to a large crowd (or even my class) I get so nervous that I break out. The day started out with worship. I had my friend Mara lead us today. She did amazing. Preschool gave the word. They recited Luke 2 for us. All I can say is they did an amazing job. It never ceases to amaze me every Christmas how well they do. Thanks to my friend Carrie who gave me a word of advice last night. She said that God never gives someone a word unless we can apply it to ourselves first. Wow is that ever true. I got up in front of the pulpit and started getting really nervous. I spoke the words to the kids that Carrie had told me and I was able to proceed. God is good. I didn't break out and I feel that I did well. God is good. I not only got something out of it but I pray that someone else did. Blessings on your day!

Finals

Well we are down to the end. Finals are upon us and I am happy because I only have two. Today is Tuesday and I am down one. I took one this morning and got an A on it. That makes me so happy.
I can't say I'm not ready for this Christmas break. I need to get away from this place now more than I feel I have ever needed to. It hasn't been easy for me. I want some parts of my old life back. But I know I am better of this way. I have given up so much to become who I am. For the most part I am happy with who I have become. But yet some days I do feel so lost. Like things can fall away so quickly.I have lost someone i thought was a good friend. A part of me honestly misses her. I have great guy friends. Please don't get me wrong about that. I love them to death.But sometimes I just miss that female companionship. I can talk girl talk with the guys, but sometimes it can get awkward on my part. Not because they don't mind, but because it's so personal.
This break is going to be one of relaxation but doing some more changes. I am going to let God be God and let him use me in any way He wants. I am going to be working with the youth group, I am going to be preaching in just a little over a week to a Christian high school.

Be Still and KNOW HE is GOD

This was someone else's blog today. And it honestly made me think. Lately I've been running around. Going from one activity to another. But I haven't taken enough time to sit down and just listen. In just a couple weeks I will be preaching at a Christian high school. Not very many kids, but it's still intimidating. We hear about God talking to us in the weirdest places, well it happened to me. Yesterday I was in the shower thinking over my sermon. I have had many ideas in my head the last months. They finally all came together and I am so nervous but feel really good about it. But it made me think. I know God chooses to talk when He wants to talk, but seriously, this is one of the few times where I am actually relaxed and He took the time to tell me that it was time to listen. This holiday I will be slowing down. I am going to relax and listen to God. I am going to be away from school and the people here I care about, and that will be hard, but I will be relaxed. I am trusting God to speak and continue to speak to me over the years to come.